I had a dream.....I was walking down a beautifully appointed hall of offices: mirrored walls and glass with men in suits and shiny shoes in high stride with serious faces and side blind eyes: me unseeable...
I stepped upon a broken compact dropped from another womans purse. the shards had splintered into the sole of my shoe.
I sat upon the marble bench to pull the shards out of my so(u)le.
A flash of light from a watch face caught my eye. Through the glass walled office, across from the bench, sat that lawyer, that lawyer who wouldn't look at me. Lounging in the black leather upholstered chair, gold framed certificates, wife and kids, he cracked his laughter into fancy phone and played with the admirable glean of his watch.
I waited to see if he might notice me, for ten minutes. Would he recognize me? Would he remember what he said to me?
My face reflected in the glass, stared straight back at me, and his face, behind glass, his downcast eyes aligned with mine, still not looking at me...
That night I dreamt of pulling those broken pieces of mirror out of my so(u)le. As I wedged each piece loose, they grew in size and shape. I propped them up on chairs and tables, a makeshift shrine that encircled me. Standing naked at the center...I examined each reflected piece of me in an attempt to gain the viewers eye. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt threatened- by all the faces and opinions and distortions- gross distortions of the (w)hole. I couldn't see myself, it was just a blur.
I want to dismember and invert, climb into the mirrors and wipe the dust off from behind the glass and clean the crust out of my eyes.
Look into the mirror. Every angle. It is hide and seek. with she and i and her and me and that. the best place to hide is in the shadows of fabric-cated doubt)
From where I stand- I see at least three reflections:
- the face of fault, the face shame the face of blame
And in other more shadowy shards I see,
-the face of hope, the volume of voice, the sound of proud
And in the mirrors behind my eyes I see
-a knowledge, a truth, a trust of self
Who are you when there's a wall in front of you? Do you talk about how big it is, or do you find a way to go through it? What is made of? What is it worth? (maybe end the whole with what is worth more- you? or the wall?
The funny thing about walls is that most of them we put there ourselves. The good news is, if we put it there, there is a good chance we can remove it.
a mirror .....or a scale. I think that it might be worth mentioning - that the mirror is the thickest of all walls. But it can broken or taken down.
Take the mirror down.
It's the obstacles we didn't put there that are of another concern altogether. Those are the diagnosis, the loss of loved one, the lay off, the external circumstances. I'm thinking of Shirley Alvarez, Wendy Tarlow, Adele LaTourette, Laurie,
there is another wall. It is in the battle between the twisted stitches of nature and nurture.
No matter what your wall is made of, your WORDS are the power tools that break through it. This is not to say you can cure cancer with words, but through careful cultivation of words that serve you, one can craft ones management of that wall, whatever it's made of.
"Someone once told me the world can me any shape you like. So I troed to make imine a square and then a triangle- but o could never get a truly sharp corner on it- like a change in life.......so I smashed it into my hands and kneaded it and pulled it apart into 4 pieces.....I am, I can I will I do
Lets frame our fill in the blanks with some firmly defined corners