1. March 2006 My then husband and our then 6 yr old daughter arrive home from a rare lovely dinner out. “Mommy and daddy- dinner was so nice tonight- i am so proud of you both for no fighting. If you can do that again tomorrow I will buy you dessert” God came up from my belly and with both hands shook my soul and peeled my eyes open from the inside. I was not happy. And I was teaching my daughter how to function in a state of unhappiness. I was teaching her how to avoid choices Quiet her voice To simmer her discontent until it boils over. To drive with no brakes until the wall is hit and the situation resolves IT- SELF by default. We learn later that The pain of avoiding choices is far greater than making the choice. 2. That extra glass of wine did not make me proud. When i woke up in the morning- I felt a little off. For what? It was not about the calories. It was not whether or not the scale tipped one direction or another. It wasn’t hangover regret. I was mad at myself because it served no purpose. I enjoyed the glass before the last and there were no further gains to be made from the addition. I would have been more pleased with myself if I had not missed the moment of choice. There is a very heavy foot on the gas from the head to the hand to the bottle to the lift to the pour to the glass to the mouth to the sip to the finish. Its starts off as a certain kind of ritual- the beautiful corkscrew, the feel of the blade making a smooth cut in the foil around the top. The push of the screw into the cork, the scent, the swirl, the bowl of the glass. The pass- out. Where was my voice? My choice? It was sitting in a blur. 3. In light of current events, the concept of Choice versus Chance takes on great weight. We are made painfully aware that tomorrow is not promised. Every day- that you have the opportunity to rise you have the opportunity to decide and define your day. I spend a lot of time talking about cultivating the catch point to make space between urge and action- to expand the place where the choices happen….. Today I want to sit IN THAT SPACE and And examine the landscape To Locate and take note Of all that lay before me Of my compass and it’s gravity I have, of late, set in motion a new trajectory By employing a singular tool: the choice to speak my truth. While at times terribly uncomfortable- It is exceedingly more uncomfortable to live in the alternative. It frightens me, having been there multiple times.. as it has been my personal mythology to reenact that scenario Of making myself smaller Of swallowing my truth in a series of epic kowtows…… And non-choices… completely forgetting that I am a part of the equation….. Of my life and its potential radiance. This- THIS right here….this practice of monthly curating a story and drafting and crafting the delivery and sharing and speaking and writing has pushed ME to a new way of living.. of living differently than I ever have before….. a way of living in which I cannot deny, it is impossible to ignore, the loud sounds of my instincts. The voice in my gut becomes the voice in my mouth. The voice of my choice, of my greatest of clarity. I listen and listen and listen until my innerears are electrified with what I know is true, And here is what I know, I am worthy of my dreams I can achieve them without compromise I will forge ahead with all of my tools I do have my truth intact I chose this; Announcing that myself, #iamicaniwillido and the name mantra project are now two separate entities. My former business partner will be taking that name and launching her own venture while I will continue on my path with you of storytelling, chatter changing and mantra making. I wish the her the highest level of success. I am relaunching the website under my own name christinedercole.com. No need to come up with some ‘brand name’. There is no ‘brand’ of what WE are doing here. This is living authentically. Speaking truthfully. Taking ownership, crafting the curve, sculpting the clay, making a way. So when it comes to our choices there are plenty of things that we do not have choice over. When the subway will come. If it’s going to rain. A diagnosis. The actions of others and Acts of nature. Acts in Orlando. But along the way there are countless moments wherein we DO have a choice. How do we handle the subway delay? Getting caught in the rain? Our response to the diagnosis? The acts of others and acts of nature….and unspeakable acts of violence The choices run the gamut from the seemingly mundane to the hyper critical... And yet we often we miss the moment… we blur it because those moments bear great weight…. And that can be scary because once you make a choice The choice calls upon you to be accountable to it The irony is that the choices you make are the shape of your life. Like a chisel every yes, no and maybe carves a different line. How deeply do you define? With this fact in mind- that tomorrow is not promised, how do you fill in the blanks? How do you amplify what you know to be true about YOU? How do you use words to drive your life in the direction of your intrepid dreams? Let us begin…
I AM CHOOSING….
Please write down ALL the things you have been choosing. The things that have served you and the things that haven’t served you. Everything. The only way to move from where we are to where we want to be is to be entirely vulnerable and authentic about the true longitude and latitude of our current state of affairs. GO
I CAN IMAGINE…
What? Allow everything. Think not what blocks you. Envision possibility. You do need permission. What CAN you do about your choices…… GO
you get the idea. What will you do about it TODAY? Tomorrow? Give yourself at least of week of declarations….What WILL you do?
.Take everything that you put in the future and make a sentence that makes it REAL HERE NOW. Declare it as though it IS.